The Style Invitational Week 895 Picture this
By The Empress
Saturday, November 20, 2010; 12:00 AM
We knew that the
word-palindrome contest of Week 891 would be one of our most challenging ever,
and so the Empress figured (correctly, as usual) that she'd finally have space
in the paper to run these Bob Staake masterpieces at
a somewhat legible size four weeks later. This week: Supply a caption for any
of these cartoons. Please designate them by the given letter, since we may well
have no idea what you're getting at, the weird way you think.
Winner gets the Inker, the
official Style Invitational trophy. Second place receives an aerosol can of
Prof. Putznik's World-Famous [Word Beginning With B
and Meaning Nonsense] Repellent, discourtesy of Genuine Washington Post Editor
Lynn Medford, a straight-talking (though comically Southern-talking) journalist
who will never nonsense you.
Other runners-up win their
choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or yearned-for Loser Mug.
Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Loser
Magnets. First Offenders get a smelly, tree-shaped air "freshener"
(Fir Stink for their first ink). One prize per entrant per
week. Send your entries by e-mail to losers@washpost.com or by fax to
202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, Nov. 29. Put "Week 895" in the
subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your
name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on
the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The
Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results
to be published Dec. 18. No purchase required for entry. Employees of
The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for
prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next
week's results is by Tom Witte; the honorable-mentions subhead is by Beverley
Sharp.
Report from Week 891, In which we asked you to create
word-palindrome sentences -- that is, sentences in which the first and last
word were the same, the second and next-to-last, etc. To make things a weensy bit easier, and to allow for more humor, we allowed the
mirroring words to be homophones of each other, as in "way" and
"weigh," or even more creative sound-alikes, such as the one for
"Miss Tennessee" below. We also decided that "a sentence"
could be as many sentences as we liked.
We knew this would be a
killer contest. On the other hand, we also knew that we had had many killer
contests in the past -- and we're not dead yet. Once again, the Losers get it
done, backward and forward. Also not surprisingly, they showed great interest
in the texting adventures of quarterback Brett Favre.
The winner of the inker
Quoth Raven: "Nevermore!" . . . BLAM! . . . Nevermore
Raven quoth. (Peter Jenkins,
Bethesda)
2: "You have two
mothers. The telling test: telling the mothers to halve you. -- Solomon (Gary
Crockett, Chevy Chase)
3: Burning with desire ended
badly: ended desire, with burning. (Elwood Fitzner, Valley City, N.D.)
4: "Ew,
junk mail. Of male junk??! Ewwwww." -- Brett Favre's text-receiver Jenn
Sterger (Kevin Dopart,
Washington)
Either way, they lose: Honorable mentions
Miss
Tennessee? I see a 10, miss!
(Beverley Sharp, Washington)
Boy drops by, says:
"Girl, size matters." Sighs girl. Says "Bye!" Drops boy.
(Chris Doyle, Ponder, Tex.)
"Americans' all-out war
wore out all Americans." - 22nd-century Afghan historian (Gary Crockett)
Sign you're asking her
pointlessly: her asking your sign. (Elwood Fitzner)
Home,
childhood of comfort and security . . . then, confident and successful, not
frustrated and scared . . . then (mom and dad proud!) graduation . . . then
college . . . then graduation (proud dad and mom!) . . . then, scared and
frustrated, not successful and confident . . . then, security and comfort of
childhood home. (Lennie Magida, Potomac)
"Hello, please
apologize. You can, no? Say, 'No can.' You apologize, please? Hello?? - Ginni Thomas (Kevin Dopart)
"Can a lone, kindly
Marine kindly loan a can?" - Jon Stewart rally participant in a long potty
line. (Nan Reiner, Alexandria)
I waives
the rules and rules the waves, aye! - Capt. Jack Sparrow (Craig Dykstra,
Centreville)
A man, a fridge:
Amana. (Chris Doyle)
Is stuff you're texting as
effective as texting your stuff is? - B. Favre (Elwood Fitzner)
I think I can, I think I can,
I think I can, I think I can, I think I . . . Can I think? Aiiiii
. . . - The Little Engine Who Got Distracted by a Moment of Existential
Awareness and Plummeted Down a Mountain (Mike Connaghan,
Alexandria)
Tie a knot, not a tie. -
Naval Recruitment Command (Kevin Dopart)
Often as not,
making love well means, well, "love-making" not as often. (Chris
Doyle)
Circularly logical was I
because I was logical circularly. (Craig Dykstra)
"Diner,"
"Psycho," "Jaws," "Duck Soup,"
"Grease," "Meatballs," "Shampoo,"
"Big": great movies. Great big shampoo meatballs, grease soup, duck
jaws: psycho diner. (Kevin Dopart)
Why am I celebrating? I am
why!" - D. Trump (Beverley Sharp)
Gaga, meet my meat. Gaga? - Brett Favre, sent from my
iPhone (Ken Gallant, Conway, Ark.)
Next week: Get a move on, or Giggle Maps